I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
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