she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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