I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I want to be your penis for a week.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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