the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
There's always time for handjobs
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
