were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
