She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Randomize
