Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
