dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
