Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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