Tell her she can't have a vagina
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
