I hate all girls vehemently.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
