I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
