I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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