She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You're a waste of cheezeits
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
