I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
