I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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