i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
