I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
someone owes me an orgasm
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
