Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
