I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
