This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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