HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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