Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
