the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
