Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
