Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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