He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
