My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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