you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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