im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
