I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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