Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
They took my balls.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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