Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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