I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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