Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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