Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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