he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
