The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
