i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
