It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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