We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
