Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
