there's paper in my vomit.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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