I accidentally burped into my bong.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
