Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Randomize
