I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
