i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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