Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
