there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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