Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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