Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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