I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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